when is *enough* enough?

∼October 25, 2014∼


*rant first and my date explanation last - also how I looked for my date hihihihihi!*

You ever been someone and you're annoyed as hell and you just think to yourself: "okay, relax. Just take a deep breath and exhale and let it go. Be good now because this time is the last time you will put up with this kind of bullshit", but then you end up letting it go, cut the person some slack and you pretend nothing has happened and then they got the nerve, THE NERVE, to do the same shit again and you go through the same thoughts of motions.

Maybe it's new friend, maybe it's your fling, maybe it's a old acquaintance, maybe it's a family member. I don't know. In my situation it's new acquaintances and flings and what not. I cut people way too much slack when they are new acquaintances because you can't really expect too much from them since you just recently met them. You don't really know them if you feel me. You do have a great time with these people, but sometimes they have their moments where you just think: "are they thick or something? why do they always do this!? it's so irritating to me!"

I am always black and white in the way I handle things. I either ignore/let it pass or I blow up. Usually I just let it pass because I don't want to make a big deal out of it. And then again, when I say "usually" it's not "usually". I am rarely annoyed at anyone. I am pretty tolerant towards people because I don't hang out with people I don't click with. It's like "okay, I don't like this person - ergo we're not going to see each other that much and we're not going to be great friends" so why make a fuss? It's a pain in my ass to be with someone where everything is a fucking battle. Why can't things be like roses and laughs?

Sometimes I wonder if I should cut people out of my life. People I don't need. People who don't see you as a significant person. I don't need more friends to just hang out with. I don't need to hang out for the sake of hanging out. I'd rather have people I don't see that often, but they consider me as a significant person in their lives. All this noise; oh, please. Nobody needs it. I certainly don't. It's hard for me to cut people because I am very easy in forgiving people. Maybe it's an issue I am dealing with. The ability of cutting people off comes from the act of loving and respecting yourself. Maybe I need more of that in my life, but till then - I will keep trying being me.

I smile, am polite, talk like we're best friends, but trust me; if you don't put in the effort and I don't feel anything from you then we ain't friends.
I am not going to waste my time. I'd rather leave or have you leave(by your own choice - nobody is forcing anyone). I ain't waitin' and ain't rushin'. I am not your mom and I won't try to change anyone. It might be considered petty of me, but I honestly feel like I am being overly large with the bullshit I put up with. Some of these people, I do feel like they are taking advantage of me, taking me for granted and basically walking all over you. It pisses me off! It's what it feels like; not sure if it's true, but it's not a feeling you should be getting from a supposed friend? Like something is just OFF. I am not wrong right?

I mean.. If we're cool; if we're friends; I'll be there for you.
You don't have to ask me anything because I got your back. There is no hesitation. But if you take me for granted I might be petty. I am petty because you don't show me any gratitude. At times I will be petty, but I won't show you everytime tho. A girl gotta keep being smart.

Btw. Currently writing my exam assignment and I can't believe in 8 months I am done. Time flies and I also turn 22 next year. I remember being 14 wishing I was 18. Being 18 wishing I was 21. And now I just wish I was 16. LOL. Why tho?

So about my date: He picked me up and was a true gentleman. Well, I sort of expected it because we're friends so if he were like chill I'd be like byefelicia, but he came with red roses and chocolates..Then we went out to a restaurant and just had a great time talking. In the end, we concluded that right now it's not going to work out because I feel like I am not feeling any sparks between him and I. Time will show how things will unravel, but for now - it's not really going to work. We then went to my place where we met up with my sister and her bf(we're all friends) and we talked and such. Then I went out in the city, got tipsy and started crying about how I will never find any guy because I am attracted to people who are from a different ethnicity like usually muslims or the likes. So I am basically just screwed because the fact is that it's hard enough to find just a regular joe, but if I have to find someone decent and someone my parents will approve who may or may not be muslim, is quite hard. The journey of finding a significant other is harder than it appeared :-)


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